It’s been really exciting to be working on the CD project thus far. I enjoy working at the studio. I am very thankful for Jan, the producer I will am working with. I also am very thankful for my group of supporters who are continuing to encourage me on this project. I can’t believe it’s actually happening! haha. God has really been showing me what He wants me to do with my music. He’s preparing my testimony through these songs, and I think the best way to tell someone what God has done in your life is through your own personal testimony. Wow God…. you really DO know me inside and out. So just an update on my CD guys and girls! It’s going really well. Next week I’ll be spending 3 whole days (yup starting at 6AM) at the studio with Jason and Jordyn. Keep praying for that and thanks so much for your prayers! I’m truly grateful =)
Monthly Archives: July 2008
There’s no pain like the pain you suffer for your Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus suffered and died for us…. and it is my desire to suffer and die for Him. Being called names and being cursed at is no surprise to me anymore. God has prepared me to be an enemy to this world but to continue loving on this world. He is continuingly molding the pain of harsh words into a pain coming from the joy that is yet to come. Oh wow! I’ve recently been talking to some close friends of mine and wow! God is working! Some have left their homes to walk on streets just to proclaim our Lord. Some are preparing themselves for missions of God knows what! Some are being called into a ministry they never thought would be of them! And here’s the thing: All this, everything that is happening, seems to be coming together as one BIG PLAN of our God! WOW! Seriously, we are His children. He does not want us to separate and do our own thing, but to realize that we are ONE BODY in Christ and His plans are for the good of His people, you and me and everyone! Wow! I’m stoked to see what He is wanting to do.
I’ve recently been cursed at a lot by this world because of my love for Jesus. Jesus said it on the dot in John 15:18-27. But let me tell you, having Jesus in your life brings confidence. Oh man, hearing the words people say about me are harsh! But wow, Jesus brings this unexplainable confidence that makes it enjoyable to be persecuted. Haha. That confidence in the Truth and that heart for this world to see that Truth is just stirring in me passionately that persecutions, curses, and insults are but little pebbles compared to the Rock I hold has my strength.
This world DOES NOT want to hear about Jesus. Man, it pains me to say that fact. But God tells us to keep on proclaiming His good news, to keep on being that light, to not lose our saltiness. I encourage you all to take a stand, and don’t be afraid of leaving the comfort zone. Be persecuted! As harsh as it sounds, that’s what happens when you step out of the comfort zone and into a world that hates Jesus.
God, I don’t want to have a schedule that I’ve planned out. When I look at my planner, I want it to just have “GOD” in capital letters. I don’t care what job I have. I don’t care where I am. I don’t care if I reach my goals or not. I just want YOU! I want You to make my schedule. I want You to write my life. I am nothing compared to You, so what good can I do to my life? All I can say is that in all I do, I will do my best in it because I will do it for you. Whether it is in school, work, music, anything! But God, You decide where each of these things take me to. I’ll do it. If you tell me to give up music. I will. If you tell me to drop everything and leave to another place. I will. If you tell me to speak, I will. If you tell me go, I will! Why would I hold myself back from doing what You want? It is not about me! But you!!!! MORE OF YOU!!! less of me! God, You’re so amazing! I may not know much about this life, but knowing You is enough for me. Do whatever You please…. ’cause what I want is nothing compared to what YOU want… and now, what You want is what I want.
Just know that you are beautiful. You have a Daddy that smiles at you everyday. You have a Lover that wants to be with you every minute. You are precious. Any boy would be blessed to have you in their life. But search for your Father. Because that special boy should be searching for Him too. That boy should not be searching for you, but God. So you as well, search for God, because your special boy will meet you there. Instead of praying about how that boy can be perfect for you, pray that God allows you to be perfect for that boy. God wants to spend so much time in your heart as much as He wants to spend time with that boy. And when your heart and his heart are shaped, and you continually search for God, it is God who will be pleased and say, “You are now ready to come together because I know you both found me and will not let me go, even if you have each other.”
=) that was just placed in my heart by God to tell the ladies. I don’t know what He planned in that, but it’s said and done! haha, praise Him!
Over my lifetime, it was difficult to really figure out who I was. At this moment in time, I feel like I’m finally the person God created me to be, that unique person in His eyes. I flashback to a lot of old friendships and how I felt like I had to conform to their ways in order to be loved. Little did I know that was not love at all. I’m grateful for the friends I can be authentic with. I’m grateful that I can say and act the person I am. I finally feel like I know the ones who can distinguish my true smile from other other smiles I have, and actually feel like I don’t have to hide anything, because deep down, I REALLY do know that they’ve accept me just the way I am, past sins and present struggles and all that jazz. Everything! They accept it! And you know what??? That only reflects the love of God. He uses these wonderful friends of mine to show how much He loves me. And I sit here, on my bed, just amused by how God wants us to seek Him and Him alone, but not only do you find Him, but He allows you to find yourself, and you realize how much you belong to Him.
Today was quite remarkable. Going to five art museums at Balboa Park is an adventure. I chilled at the Baylon’s for awhile this morning, then we were off to the museums! Quite a fascinating adventure. We got into a minor minor accident (haha), got lost, entered a military base, got lost some more, and finally got to the destination only to be fascinated by many things. Oh how I love art. It’s wonderful to look and study art that was made hundreds and hundred of years ago. I love how a simple image can depict many many stories and tell us numerous facts. Then there are scultures that just bring art to a different level. I feel like it makes it personal to pretend that you are the artist and imagining his motions and movements as he or she creates his or her art. Then of course, my favorite is when art becomes abstract, just out of the ordinary mind. I always considered my mind to be different. I just grew up with a crazy imagination. Anyway, I love interpreting art through my own sight, view, and perspective. it is so true when they say that art speaks a million words. I feel like I can never stop talking about a single art.
Anyway, I think God is like art. In fact, I think He is the ultimate art. We can never truly understand Him. But that doesn’t stop us from trying. He is just so amazing, that you can never really stop talking about Him. He is there in an intimate way. Just like you can make art personal, you can also have God in a personal realtionship. Art can have so many colors, so many ways, so many directions, so many shapes….. but it is still a beautiful masterpiece. God is omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient… and it is all a part of the wonderful masterpiece of Him.
Oh God, you are truly beautiful to me. Today at the art museums was wonderful and I am thankful that You are continually the Art of my life. May I continue to search for You. =)
Today was quite interesting. Before I fell asleep, I had this feeling that I was to do something that I really did not want to do. Then I was awoken by an attack and ended up calling my prayer warriors and surprisingly others i did not intend to call. That kinda got to me because of that feeling i had before i went to sleep. So I stayed up and prayed (only got like an hour of sleep ) about the spiritual attack and this thought/feeling that keeps popping up. This thing that I felt I had to do….. was it from God? or was it from Satan? The Bible teaches us to test the spirits, whether it is coming from God or evil. So I did that all morning until church. And with all my heart, this thing I had to do was from God. I was sooooooooooo confused, sooooooooooo overwhelmed by that. I did not want to do it, did not understand why I had to do it, but I ended up doing it today. heh… can you say “awkward…?” haha. After doing this thing that God placed me to do, I was pretty much stabbed in the heart. I did not understand why God would put me in that situation. I came home pretty much confused, hurt, and shocked by what just happened. I cried a bit. But wow….. after going back to God and asking Him, “What was that all about?”, I just realized why I had to do it. God showed me why I was hurting. I wasn’t hurting because of a loss, because of guilt, because of shame… He really showed me how cleansed and new I was. I was hurting because God’s family was broken, and He knew that was the thing causing my pain. Wow. This served as a closure to my past! I’m free from bondage! But God continues to teach me how to pray for the broken relationships of His children. God knows our deepest passions even when we aren’t really sure what it was. He showed me it today. =) It’s weird how God tells you to do something that you think is the last thing you should do, but it ends up to be the best thing to do, and teaches you more. haha. oh Daddy….. you can be quite humorous.
I’m excited for this week! A whole week with the Baylons! We call it the “Free Eventful Week” since the whole week is full of events that don’t cost a thing! Monday is Swimming at EJ’s Day! Tuesday is free museum at Balboa Park day! Wednesday is free movie at Regals and walk at the beach day! Thursday is Make a Music Video Day! Friday is beach day and movie night! I’m super excited to hang out with these rad people.
Then Saturday, going to Irvine Spectrum to meet up with the PLNU girls. =) woohoo! our summer reunion! I’m excited! And Jason comes back this day too! oh how i miss him soooo much.
I can’t wait for our youth summer camp! How excited I am! It’s August 1-3, so if you want to come, you should come! It’s in Lake Kumeyaay in El Cajon. And it’s only $15 (includes campsite, all meals, and transportation!) That’s a deal! plus you get to spend time with God and develop awesome relationships!
Then i’m stoked because Jordyn might be staying at my house from August 4-11. That would be so cool!
All this! Wow!
The great thing about God is that He is a great listener and He is a great speaker. I fell facedown to speak with my Daddy today. Each time I confessed a flaw to my Daddy, this bittersweet feeling came in my heart. It was bitter because I know I can be stubborn, and confessing a flaw can be difficult. But it was evermore sweet because I knew how much I wanted the flaw to change, and at that moment of confession, I knew God came into work. As I lay on my bedroom floor speaking to Daddy, my heart raced and I knew that God was allowing me to speak of the things that burdened my heart. From prayer requests of friends and family to the cries of this world to the presidential election to my own personal prayers to His will being done, God listened and I knew He was because He has been teaching me to open up my heart. I literally could not speak after awhile, but something in my heart shifted and i knew it was time for me to listen. It’s difficult to know that it’s time to listen and you really don’t hear anything. haha. But you know the term “You know you have a good friend when you can just sit with them in silence, not say a word, but leave feeling that you just had the best conversation?” That’s what i felt. As i was laying there, listening to God (although He was silent), I knew He was there and His presence just made me tingle all over haha. I got up from my floor feeling like I just had the best conversation with my Daddy.
“Thank you Dad for listening, and spending time with me… i love you.”
I think back on who I was not so long ago. All I can say is that I was in the hands of Satan. I was a “backslider” as most people would term. But I would go deeper than that. I was an addict to filthy things. My head was owned by lust. Anger controlled the core of my heart. I was a liar. I was a hypocrite. I pretty much slapped God’s face. I was trapped in jealousy. I was everything God never wanted me to be. Yet, amazingly, He still loved me.
I guess I never really let God in because I assumed that doing the things I did was the final draw of His love. I mean, before I accepted Christ, I was living this life of filthiness. And when I accepted Him, He changed my ways so wonderfully. But then, the backslide occured, and I fell back to my old ways, but even worse, I gained even more filthiness than ever. I actually stayed in the shower so much longer than usual because the filthiness in my heart made me feel externally dirty.
A recommitment to the life God wanted for me has been amazing. Surely there are battles. It has not been a breezy walk in the park. It’s been more like a hike over multiple mountains. But I am amazed by how God has changed me! All the filthy addictions? Gone! My heart on anger? Turn to overflowing love. My habits of lying and hypocricy? Turned ino a life of authenticity.
Thank You God for softening my hard heart. I was once running away from You, and now I only choose to run to You.
